THE EXPONENTIAL SELFISH LOVE EFFECT

I don't want to be in a relationship! There, I said it! Why would I anyway? It's so demanding to manage all these responsibilities and efforts you have to make to please that other party who you barely know, who is neither a family member nor a friend. All of that only to feel good when she tells you she loves you. Feeling good when she tells you she loves you! Isn't it ironic? We spend so much time talking to strangers, dating, going out with people for the sole purpose of finding this little treasure - the smallest Russian Doll - who will be able to give you back all the efforts you've had first put as cash down with no guarantee whatsoever that you will one day get back the exact amount of efforts previously invested. Call me ironic! Call me Cartesian! Tell me I think that way because of what I do for a living... but it does sound like a sucker deal to me! So many times I've been told by a woman that I am selfish that I finally decided to embrace it! Make lemonade, people... make lemonade!

It's been almost three years that I'm on the market - dating casually here and there - the male counterpart of Sex and the City if you will. I recently decided to slow things down on the emotional side for the profit of what the clinical psychologist Meg Jay calls “building my identity capital during my defining decade”. I know what you are thinking! Don't get crazy here! I didn't go see a clinical psychologist, I just happen to watch TED Talks from time to time (wink-wink!). By “identity capital”, I mean doing things that add value to who I am, something that is an investment to who I want to be next. By the way, if you don't already, everyone should have a five-year plan describing where you want to be and what are the major milestones to get there.

So it got me thinking, why would I want to be in a relationship if it's for someone I barely know to take my focus away from achieving a second master's degree, volunteering at my professional association, networking, travelling, doing sports or any playful activity that fulfills me and contributes to my well-being? Why would I let a stranger disturb both my psychological and emotional balance and, most importantly, the hefty size of my wallet? I will tell you why. It's because human nature is selfish! We want to have someone in our lives so that we don't feel lonely. But the truth is if you keep yourself busy enough not to have the time to feel lonely and focus on what really matters (yourself), the hell with women! The hell with your hand too for all I know! Curiously enough, I realized that my dating cycles were perfectly synchronized with my level of business. When I was very busy with working full time, studying and doing sports, I didn't feel the need to date simply because my intellect was so busy that my caveman instincts were stored in a drawer; because I like to think I am one of the few men on the face of this planet who truly believes that, nowadays, the alpha male defines himself through his brain rather than his proficiency to hunt a mammoth. It's called evolution! Therefore, I think I'm better off putting my eggs in the right basket - my brain - instead of tapping them against one. On the other hand, at the end of a work rush, right after my mid-terms or between two soccer seasons, I'd always feel lonely and felt the urgent need to go out and seek a potential candidate. Ok, I agree that it might sound like an easy de facto paradigm, but let us dig a little deeper to figure out if we can prove our initial assumptions.

Over the last three years, (not to brag, but) I had several occasions of settling down with one of the girls I have dated. Then I decided not to! I started realizing that every single time my date wanted to get a little more serious I'd look back at my books, my soccer cleats, my backpack and tell myself: Are you crazy? You're 27, young, smart, well-spoken, in perfect health, good dresser, good looking (so they say)... Why would you want to restrain yourself to tell one person you love her and hope she will pay back the same amount of love so the balance evens out. You can love yourself all alone and keep 100% of your cash down! It's a pure economic fact. I'm not much of a gambler if you haven't realized it yet.

Here is an interesting fact that tells a lot about females (in general): every time I was actively looking for a relationship, I would have the hardest time catching the attention of women surrounding me through my many different circles. On the other hand, every time I minded myself to focus on building my identity capital, women would fall from the sky and pour from every direction texting me, facebook-messaging me, approaching me at parties, giving me looks in bars, etc. Frame it the way you want it whether it's that women want what they can't have or don't know what they want. Either way, it seems likes it pays off to be selfish (attention-wise). Yet another clear-cut (nut) case of reversed psychology.

So, now we know that I wouldn't invest blindly in a costly asset with high risk and no guarantee, we also know that a person in their twenties - the defining decade - must definitely build his identity capital and, last but not least, we know that attention comes when you focus on yourself. So let me ask you this - oh, love guru from beyond the face of the earth who magically inception-ed all people on this planet that it's better to be with someone than being single: Why would I choose to be with one woman if I can spend all these love units towards my own person and enjoy every single moment of my life loving myself and focusing on my shit, plus all the exponential marks of attention I get from women coming (from) left and right? And the best part is that I did not spend one single love (and money) unit upfront to receive 10 times more of this love back. I kept it all for myself, like the selfish fucker I am. It's just as if a banker would tell you Sir, do not spend one dime! Do not buy any stocks or bonds! Don't even bring your money into our bank! We'll give you 10 times whatever is under your mattress in no time! I think we have just reached a whole new level of selfishness! And don't get me wrong, I know I am an asshole, but at least I am psychologically/emotionally (and financially) balanced!